The 4 Stages of F***ing Up

My key chain weighs a ton and looks like it belongs to a janitor. It’s insane. To make matters worse, 2 keys are identical, except that the engraving on one has faded. They each open a different door. Do I ever correctly match the key and the door? NO! I f*** up! Here are the stages:

STAGE 1 aka INNOCENCE: You cannot expect yourself to know the correct answer, because you are new at this. You are f***ing up but it’s okay, because everyone expects you to!

Which key should I use? Oh, I have no idea! I just got these keys. Let me try this one. OOPS! It’s the other one. Silly me. 

STAGE 2 aka AWARENESS: You realize that you consistently make the wrong choice and so you try to train yourself to stop f***ing up.

Okay, the key for this door has the engraving. The key for the other door doesn’t. 

STAGE 3 aka SELF-DISTRUST : Your subconscious points you to the right answer. You ignore your subconscious because you think “I always f***-up, so my first choice MUST be the wrong one”. Then you proceed to select the incorrect answer. They even teach you to never do this on a multiple choice exam. It is proven that we should trust ourselves, but sadly, we don’t.

I think it’s this one! I choose a key, I’m about to put it in the lock, but wait, I always choose the wrong one. I should use the other key instead. I change keys. Damn it! I got it right the first time.  Always trust your first choice, people!

STAGE 4 aka BUILDING CONFIDENCE: This stage is the most tricky. Getting past stage 3 is a huge accomplishment, and it’s so easy to revert back to you old, f***ed up ways.

Oh yeah! I’m so good. I  have used the right key  for over a week! *Goes away for the weekend, comes back, uses wrong key*. Damn it!

Now, if I go  by my engineering training, I should never have had this problem in the first place. I should have copied one of the twin keys and made it recognizable (say with a picture of Elmo on the key, which they sell at Canadian Tire), but where’s the fun in that? I’m a f***-up and I’m okay with it.

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